Musings of a Hypochondriac


Yesterday, Day 3 of the apple detox, I was watching the film “Send Me No Flowers (warning-mini spoiler ahead). The best part of the apple detox for me was having a very good excuse to sit around. After all, when you literally have no energy, who’s going to make you do anything? The movie was very funny, by the way, I thought the absolute best part was the cemetery plot scene. Now that’s satire for you.

Anyway, if you’ve seen the movie, you know that Rock Hudson’s character thinks he’s going to die of hypochondria. Well, while I was watching, I was naively thinking, “How awful it must be to have hypochondria.” And then I remembered- hypochondria means the absence of disease! It means that your worst ailment is thinking you have a disease. I’m sorry if I’ve just ruined the movie a little for you, but you were warned.

Anyway, as I was finishing up the apple detox, I was thrilled to finally be taking the olive oil. Seriously, I was giddy. I’m thinking “Now it’s over, now I’m going to be cleansed!” and so on. Rarely do I find myself that excited about a bowel movement.

I had done the detox by the book. I even made a trip to this apple orchard to get the right variety. So I had a lot of hope going into this thing, and I talked about it with my family a lot, maybe partially to brag. But I did it for my health, because I felt that slipping away from me a little. And if you read the Bible, it says that your body is your temple. I would like a clean temple, thank you very much! And as recommended by Cayce, I took almost half a cup of olive oil (which believe me, is disgusting). In hindsight, this amount might have been the thing that messed it up. But I am inclined to believe it simply wasn’t meant to go as planned.

So, post olive oil, initially I felt good. I did feel the churning I can tell you that. But then I started hiccuping a lot, and feeling nauseous and extremely full and like I NEVER wanted to eat olive oil ever again. Well, fast forward to the present time. Still no bowel movement.

I woke up early in the morning, not feeling so inclined to go to the bathroom but to pee. And I started imagining that I had all kinds of diseases. There was something wrong with my colon, my liver, heck, I was probably suffering from a mild form of mercury poisoning (thanks to leaking button cell batteries in my house, not a good thing for a neurotic person).

But then I went back to sleep after reminding myself of the joys of salvation and changing the song that was playing in my head. Why was I worrying so much about my health? Like Jesus said, that which you should really watch out for is that which can corrupt the eternal soul, not the body. The body is here today, gone tomorrow. I’m not saying you should neglect your health- take up smoking, eat whatever, and drink yourself into oblivion. NO, okay that’s not what I’m saying! I’m saying that you should do whatever is in your control, I suppose like I did with the apple detox and some of my dietary changes. But clearly, some things are out of our control, and that’s okay. So, maybe I do have some kind of disease of the liver. Maybe my intestines are unhappy (isn’t that a pleasant mental image?) But you know what, it’s okay. I tried, that is true, but clearly I had too much faith in my own ability to improve my health and not enough faith in God.

None of us are immune from disease, no matter how many broccolis we eat, miles we jog, vaccines we get. None of us are safe from disaster, no matter how good our alarm system is, where we reside, or what our homes are made of. What is steel construction to God? And none of us are guaranteed the rest of today.

If God wants to take away my health, my passion, my wealth, my family, my cherished acquaintances, my very life- then I pray that I will have the strength to endure it all with joy in my heart, as long as my spiritual house is built on a big, solid rock. And if that’s the case, I know that everything will truly be okay.





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