If you read my last post, it was about a personal struggle I have with self-esteem and the like. It really wasn’t all that great, if I may say so myself. But now, I am a few hours wiser, I think, so I would like to attempt to explain where it all went wrong.
The root of all my problems is, of course, not loving God enough, and not loving my neighbor as myself. I know, that seems unrelated to what I was talking about yesterday, self-esteem, but it actually is related, I can see that now.
Sometimes, in our interactions with other believers, especially in formal settings, we get into the mindset of “What’s in it for me?” I know I’ve experienced this so many times, and if you are a believer, you have probably experienced it as well as heard of the phenomenon in sermons or discussions. What can I get from this friendship, this chapel, this class, this church service, this worship song, this meeting, etc. We seek fulfillment, encouragement, validation, enlightenment, explanation, teaching, advice. Personally, and this goes back to the self-esteem thing (see, I told you there was a connection), I find myself worrying about my social image and how I am conducting myself. But why is that important? Wouldn’t it be better to just ask God to help me contribute to the group? Where was that idea my whole life? Can’t I just try to set a good example for others (following the Titus 2 model) and encourage my fellow believers? That’s not to say that I can’t gain something, however, that shouldn’t be the main focus and the end to all means. Because we grow to give back. We don’t just mature and improve and ripen in our holiness so we can be on a good footing with God, so we will be prepared for salvation. We gain skills and knowledge to help others along, and in doing this, we serve God. That’s what it’s all about, God. And nothing can separate us from the love of God. Not even social anxiety. Not even death or sin.
Nice try, Satan, with trying to blind me with shame and self-loathing, I am sure that all of Hell applauds the effort, but I am afraid that I have been saved by grace once again.