To Be Perfectly Honest

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know the first thing about life. It’s easy sometimes to pretend that I know what I’m talking about in my writing. Maybe some of it comes from God. I hope so. 

I haven’t exactly been around the block. I’ve barely left my doorstep. A lot of my life has been spent studying, reading, and writing in my  secluded safe-zone. I’ve lived a comfortable life- maybe that’s why everything makes me uncomfortable. I’m tired of being pitied, ignored, and rejected. But I’m afraid of love. 

So I haven’t had all that much life experience for someone my age. Maybe that’s why my writing has been suffering. Sometimes, I am afraid that I’ve learned absolutely nothing over the years. I find myself making the same mistakes over and over. I find myself overcompensating for other past mistakes. And, worse off, I find myself just as anxious or even more anxious than ever, which makes it difficult to go through life. I’m terrified of myself, the world around me, and the people who inhabit it. But mostly, I’m terrified of myself because I don’t know who I am. 

Why am I telling you all this? Well, why not? If you met me, maybe my eyes would tell the whole story anyway. I’ve never been good at hiding things. The only thing I can do is tell jokes and make the tone of my voice sound normal. But you see, that doesn’t help when people can see your body language. 

I don’t know anything. I don’t know about life. I couldn’t tell you how to change a tire to save my life. I don’t know much about the global economy, or literature, or science. I don’t even know how to make myself appear normal. The only thing I do know is that I don’t know much of anything. And the only valuable things I’ve learned have to do with God. To be perfectly honest, right now I’m pretty fed up with it all. 

I’ll try not to put on airs. I’ll try to be honest with you. I hope it helps, or maybe it just made you feel uncomfortable and depressed. I’ll tell you what I think about the Bible, but I would encourage you to read it yourself. It’s the only knowledge in this world that you can’t put a price tag on (although that happens in practice). You’ll never write anything better than the Bible, and neither will I, that much I know. 

 

 

 

 

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