Do you ever feel so human that it hurts?
I was consumed by this sort of greed. This desire to eat that had little to do with physical hunger. It was almost overwhelming. I tried to work, tried to read, but all I felt was myself. A slave to the flesh, that is how I feel sometimes, We all have addictions, or if not addictions, we have vices that distract us from God, that can even take the place of God. Sure, it’s weird to put it that way, but how else can I put it?
A slave to the flesh. I don’t want to be that way anymore. I do not want to live for pleasure, for survival, for meaninglessness. I can’t convince myself that the world is right. I can’t think of any noble philosophy that will satiate my desire for purpose. I can’t accept the fact that there is no purpose either. Call me a fool, but I simply refuse to believe that the universe was a convenient accident. Call me weak, but I can’t live without the love of Christ. Without the love of Christ, I refuse to live. Not that I should have faith merely to stay alive, however.
There’s just got to be more than living then eating, sleeping, and reproducing. There’s got to be more to life than working, partying, and going to church. I tell you, there is a spiritual life, a spiritual self that I have become out of touch with, but a spiritual self that is much realer than the physical self. We must meet our spiritual being. We must meet God. That is what living is.