God: Questions, Answers, and Perplexity

Why are there so many religions?

I don’t know… I guess you could say it’s like a game of telephone. People kept entering the circle, the message kept changing

What hard evidence is there that your God is the true God? And don’t just tell me to look outside at the friggen trees or into the eyes of a baby. And no circumstantial evidence, please.

Next to none.

Then why do you believe it?

Because it’s the truth.

How do you know it’s the truth?

I couldn’t easily explain why.

Answer this question: What happens to one-week old babies who die? And people who’ve never seen a Bible in their life?

I don’t know.

What do you mean you don’t know? Why are you being so indecisive?

Because I don’t have all the answers. It’s enough that God knows.

Then why should I believe you? Why should anyone believe in this?

You don’t have to believe me to believe in God.

Tell me this; who is God? What is this mysterious thing that you Christians call the trinity?

I can’t be sure, precisely.

Then what do you know? Let’s start there.

Okay. Well, I am sure that God created everything. I am sure that he sent his son to this earth so I could be forgiven. I am sure that Jesus rose on the third day. And if he didn’t rise, Christianity is dead. Jesus will give the Holy Spirit to whoever asks, this I believe. I know that we must die to ourselves and live to God; that eternal life exists. I know that my life hasn’t been the same since I started believing in all this. My faith is the only thing keeping me alive, and I am sure that it is not in vain.

Does that answer your question?

Probably not.



A Not-So-Rude Awakening

Yesterday, the world was a menacing, senseless, torture trap that existed to humiliate and strip away my dignity layer by painful layer, until I would become just a worthless blob, effeminated (I think I just made up that word) with only an instinctive will to live. 

Today, the world doesn’t seem like that at all. It seems serene, orderly, and somewhat just, well, at least for me. I have to stop myself from falling in love with it rather than stopping myself for wagging my finger at God. iI wasn’t a sublime, glorious awakening to leave me in a surreal state of bliss, but it was something. I just feel now as if nothing can touch me. God has protected me from what I feared the worst, and I have no reason not to take his hand and get on this crazy magic carpet thing into quite literally God knows where… that was such a random and cliche Disney analogy, but I think I’ll keep it. 

What I’ve been going through doesn’t even seem all that serious anymore. I mean, what about the people in the Philippines? My life and my struggles aren’t the center of the universe, and they shouldn’t even be the center of my universe. How can I deceive myself into believing that it all really matters in the grand scheme of things? Not that it really, truly doesn’t matter, in a downer existentialist sense, but I’m saying, in the best possible way, that it doesn’t matter. Because God is God, right is right, and the world will keep on turning for as long as it will. God is the fortress, God is the power, God is the redeemer, His son, the lamb. 

Does it even matter what happens tomorrow? It will have to be dealt with, for sure, but why is it that I’m not having a full-blown panic attack? I’m not saying that all kinds of worry have been permanently purged from my being, but that would be nice. I’m just saying that I recognize, and it’s about time, that I need to just live in the moment, and smile, and breathe evenly. 

Gravity: A Movie Reviewed and A State of Mind

As you can glean from the title, I saw the movie Gravity today. Half the time I believe I was cringing or making very unattractive faces. It really “pulled me in” (pun not originally intended) because the acting was good, and the sense of tension and mortal terror that they were going for was achieved. I knew what was going to happen in the end, but I just couldn’t help wondering, questioning, feeling. I even got reasonably close to crying one time (and I actually don’t cry much in movies, even though I’m such a sap).

I thought it was funny how you could hear sounds when the things were crashing in space. It was not true to science, but I see why the director did it. Without the sound, something just would have been missing, because we as humans are so accustomed to sound.

And here’s the part where I, without shame, try to relate the movie I saw with my personal thoughts. Why am I such a girl? Can’t I just talk about an action movie without getting all weird?

Gravity. The laws of physics that we naively believe govern the natural world as independent entities that came about through their own means. The laws of society that can seem almost as strict.

I never really learned to use those things to my advantage. I am graceless, uncoordinated, awkward. Just today I picked up tennis again. To be fair to myself, I haven’t played in a long time. But I performed badly today, either hitting the net or hitting homers a solid portion of the time. Not that I was ever much of a pro, yet it’s the only sport that I have potential for being passable at. So I think I’ll give it a shot. Ugh, another pun.

I’ve never had good posture either. I just kind of let gravity do it’s thing to my body. Not to mention, I’m not exactly a walking embodiment of physical fitness either. I always feel like something is weighing me down, keeping me from getting in shape. I think it’s just a lack of willpower.

And with people. I want to be diplomatic, funny, and charming. But my own nervousness and fear of being dull, jerky, and uncomfortable holds me back. I let the pressure, the “gravity” hold me down instead of letting myself be grounded by it

When things aren’t going well, I like to think about heaven, an ideal world with beautiful views and no worries. I like to think that I’ll get there, Jesus will hand me a pina collada or something, and we’ll shoot the breeze in this perfect paradise with puffy clouds, islands and classical architecture. And then I’ll meet all the people who weren’t too fond of me in this life, the people that were too cool for me, the people who gave me charity, and everyone else, all the colors of the rainbow, and we’ll all hold hands and laugh together and dance around in the most beautiful harmony.

I think that my idea of heaven is a little distorted, but that’s okay. I guess I’ll just leave it up to God to decide what He likes. And it shouldn’t just be about the atmosphere there anyway, the most important thing about it is that we’re spending eternity with God. Chew on that. But what I should be focusing on now, is what I can do while I’m here on earth. And yes, there’s no guarantee that I’ll be here long, but that doesn’t mean that every second is not a gift, to be used in the best way possible. So maybe it would behoove me to try and be comfortable in my own skin, to get acclimated to this thing called gravity, and fine tune my skill at defying the norm (but in a way that is productive), while at the same time, learning to love the individuals that comprise this world that is both surprisingly orderly and excessively crazy.